can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The power of my boobs compel you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
