Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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