Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize