I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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