whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
