Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
