I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize