i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
