I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
