i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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