we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
