shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
