You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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