I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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