please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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