So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
