What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
