Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
