So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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