I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fuck appropriateness.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
