I bet he comes in French.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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