Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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