now i know why i became what i already was.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
