y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dick very happy bro
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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