There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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