I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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