I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
