Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
