I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
