I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i want to swaddle you in tequila
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
