Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
