I will die if light touches me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
