I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
