Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
