I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
false alarm. still invincible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the high leading the old right now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
