We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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