Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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