better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
