do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my sisters under your porch take her home
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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