Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
