this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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