I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
