wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
