Cold hands, warm shart.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
