I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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