he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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