Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
