Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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