I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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