At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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