No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
