I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
