it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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