I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
