Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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