You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize