A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
