Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
