o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
did i just pee glitter
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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