If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
