I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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