Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize