Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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