well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
