he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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