I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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