They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
