Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
