Screwed.edu
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
