Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
