I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
