I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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