some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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