4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize