I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
