i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
