I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You have to summon your inner elephant
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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