guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
