how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ketchup is God's man juice
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
