i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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