i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
