i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
