I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
