One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
