Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
