you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
