I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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