We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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