wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
