i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
