I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
