No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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