the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
