69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
