god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
