You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
