When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
