i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
