it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
