Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
