it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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