At least make sure they are 18
Why
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
