You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
