I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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