Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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