that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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