Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
