i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
only you would photoshop your dick
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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