Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize