i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't deserve a penis
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
