someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize