He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
