remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
