My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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