My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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