i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
