Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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