Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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