he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
